September 23, 2017

16 Steps That leads to Break Up


Eric was kind. He was funny, warm, and incredibly attractive. He wasn't very driven, nor all that ambitious when it came to finding work, but he had big dreams. These dreams, along with a muscular build on a 6'1" frame, are what drew Daniella, a nurse in her mid-20s, to him. At first, their chemistry was nearly palpable; she hung onto his every word, barely believing that someone like him was interested in her. Over the course of the next three months, she could barely contain herself and the excitement she felt for him. As months went on, however, his build and dreams stayed the same, but her excitement came to a staggering halt.
She couldn’t exactly pinpoint why and tried to find excuses—some valid and others not—about why her feelings had changed. But the truth of the matter was that her interest in the relationship was gone. Within the next few weeks, she grew distant and curt and found herself easily criticizing him, while beginning to flirt with other men. Sometimes she would voice her disappointment in their relationship to Eric; other times he would voice his disappointment with her newfound attitude towards him. They tried to patch things up, which briefly motivated them to get closer, only to grow distant again and ultimately go their separate ways.
If Eric and Daniella's breakup seems familiar, that's because it is. According to research by Battaglia et al., when it comes to breaking up, an experience which over 85 percent of American adults have had at least once in their lifetimes, it all comes down to 16 steps:

Step 1: A partner loses interest in his or her significant other.

Step 2: The disinterested partner starts to notice attractive alternative options who could make potential dating partners.

Step 3: The disinterested partner begins to withdraw from the relationship, emotionally and/or physically.

Step 4: The partners try to work things out.

Step 5: The partners spend less time together.

Step 6: A lack of interest resurfaces again.

Step 7: One, or, this time, both, of the partners consider ending things permanently.

Step 8: The partners communicate their feelings with each other.

Step 9: The partners try to work things out again.

Step 10: Despite still trying to work things out, one or both
begin to notice other people.

Step 11: One or both partners begin to act distant.

Step 12: One or both partners may go on dates with other people, while still seeing each other.

Step 13: The cycle repeats itself as the partners decide to get back together again and try one last time.

Step 14: One or both partners consider breaking up again.

Step 15: One or both partners seriously distance themselves
and gain a feeling of having moved on while still technically in the relationship.

Step 16: The couple breaks up.
Often, as noted by the researchers, who analyzed 1,480 responses to deduce the 16-step process, breaking up is cyclical, with lack of interest, noticing others, acting distant, and trying to work things out repeating for weeks, months, or even, years. This cyclical pattern suggests just how much indecision goes into the dissolution of a relationship, which causes one or both partners to act in ways which characterize approach and avoidance behaviors; wanting to work things out, then growing distant again.
Unfortunately, despite the majority of us following the same 16-step script when breaking up, it nevertheless does not seem to eliminate the sting of losing a once loved one. Instead, we can use this knowledge to recognize that breakups are often plagued by indecision for one or both partners, and they are a difficult but normal experience for everyone involved.
Share This
Previous Post
Next Post

This Post was publish by the above Author